Dear Teach

Seeking job

2005-05-26T11:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach-

I messed up AGAIN. Fried chicken, cookies, ice cream, ugh. Need some help fast. Maybe an intervention?

There's so much junk going on at my mom's workplace, it's unbelievable. Now I know that it's all hearsay (i.e. I haven't experienced it firsthand), but there's no reason for her to lie about it. It's possible she misinterprets certain comments or situations, but overall, if she feels bad because of the environment, that's not a good thing. And you know the oldies there will do whatever it takes to maintain the status quo.

Just to give you a warning- I plan on taking pas class tomorrow... I know, WHAT?! Stop the presses! I figure that this will be one of the sticking points as to why I don't get a lead role. True as it may be, I think we both know better than that. But fine, whatever. So don't make a big deal 'bout it, 'k? (Actually, if you don't, I'll kind of be TO'd).

I wish I could have waited until I lost weight (got skinnier) before requesting a conference, but that would have been at least 12 weeks away, if at all.

Gawd, I really need to find a new job. Sure, my current one is a bit cushy, but I can't freakin' stand how people expect reimbursements for everything. Hey, if you weren't traveling, you'd still be eating. So why the heck should we be paying $50 for you to have breakfast? Ever heard of a diet? That's my tax money you're wasting. Meanwhile the stupid powers that be at certain County offices hoard their office supplies like its gold or something. Not that I support those offices (if you can't afford to have kids, guess what? Don't.), but this is ridiculous.

And tuition for students increases every year, practically exponentially. All the while, the brains get more and more money. Terrific.

Sorry to gripe, Teach, it's not your fault. Although I imagine you rack up quite a bill when you're on business travel. I'm just tired of all this stuff. You should start a pro company, it would be super. I could work for you... oh, wait, I promised Ducky that I'd work for him, when he starts his own company. I get to pick which job I want... a bunch of us are going to go work for him but that won't be for a while (this will be after he's done dancing). Hmmm, do you need an assistant? Someone to manage your engagements and make travel arrangements for you? I would be great at that. Like a personal assistant or something. I could remind you of your appointments and make sure you get there on time. Remember, punctuality...

Stress-related eating

2005-05-25T15:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach-

Things stress me out too much. And I let them. I just ate a donut. Felt that it was compensation for sitting there, listening to a training class that was absolutely pointless. For me, at least, since I already knew 95% of the material. The presentation was just horrendous. Though your public speaking skills aren't great either.

And then last night, after eating two drumsticks (fried), I ate a whole bunch of Nutter Butter bites. Not exactly healthy.

I just bid on a pair of Freed Studio pointe shoes on eBay. Slight problem- they're the original Studios, not the Studio IIs that would work on my feet. Stupid eBay, why won't they let people retrack their bids?

It's someone's birthday today, and I don't mean Myrtle- it's someone at work. And they're having strawberry cheesecake. I LOVE cheesecake. But I can't have any. If I hadn't eaten that donut, well, then maybe. Arg, it's too late for that. I'll be okay, though. I have a fuji apple and an orange to eat.

I am so sleepy. Sleepy girl, as you say. Can I go home yet?

Getting attention

2005-05-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach-

Oh my gawd, so you do notice me in class?! All this time I thought I was invisible.

Well, okay, I'm giving you a hard time. Sorry 'bout that- I know, I have to make myself noticeable, not hide in the woodwork. That's one of my big projects... except in AD's class. I'll still hide in the back for that. Which probably won't help me with my attempt to get a lead role, but she just so darn intimidates me. I've known her longer than I've known you (well, not that much longer) but at least I can talk to you about stuff. Well, some stuff, not everything.

It's weird, writing to you, since you're still here (i.e. not gone for the summer yet). But it's cool, because since Washington, we've really bonded. Like soul mates, right? Uh, yeah, no.

I shouldn't be so optimistic- class will probably stink on Friday and thereafter. That always happens.

Picnic Time

2004-07-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach-

We went to the staff picnic today. Each person got a paper bag with the following:
rotisserie chicken (2 pieces), diced potatoes, salad, dessert (two squares of lemon cake, apple turnover, etc), bag of chips (Lay's, Ruffles or Fritos) [vegetarian bags had pasta (tortellini) salad].

Drinks were separate (I just got water) and then there was the ice cream- Nestle Crunch bars, ice cream sandwiches, Dole fruit bars, fudge bars, creamsicles... some people dove right in to the ice cream before eating their lunch (which means there were no Crunch bars by the time I was done with the salad and potatoes- I had to eat an ice cream sandwich instead). Someone should tell Catering that they should be more culturally-sensitive. Asians don't eat raw veggies so having salads is not a great idea. They should have had potato salad or something, but I guess then the mayo or dressing would have gone bad.

When AA saw me (you remember AA right?), she exclaimed- "you got CC to come!" Oh pul-eeze, like people have to drag me places? Correction- if AA is there, you have to drag me along. But otherwise, free food is free food, I'll be there. Unless I have to sit there and listen to people ramble.

They played some music and then (when people were done eating) some people started doing the Electric Slide. AA tried to get me and COW (my coworker) to dance but we were like "uh, no, we're going to go back now." I can only stand so much of AA, so if/when I go work for the dept, it'll be a blast. I can hardly wait.

One of the personnel ladies, the one that asked me if I had an eating disorder because I cut up my donut into small pieces and another time told me I was going to get fat because I was eating a donut- I think she has an eating problem. I've been in staff meetings with her where she'll get two donuts plus one to bring back to her office. Or like today- she got a vegetarian bag, ate the chips out of that, went to get a regular bag, ate the chicken and salad from that, ate some of the pasta (from veg bag), ate a Crunch bar and then went back to get a 3rd bag. Hello?! She's pretty skinny, though.

Anyway, I should have gotten another bag (I saw one lady with 3 bags and several people with 2 bags each), but the staffers were kind of stingy and wouldn't let us get another bag (maybe they thought more people were coming). I almost said "well, other people got a second bag" but I figured it wasn't worth the fight. And even though it was supposed to be for staff only (only 1 ticket per person), I saw some tweeners (maybe 12 yrs old) and one lady brought her son. So much for "ticket required".

Which brings me to my last point, one of my quirks. We were standing in line and some people had their yellow tickets in their hand. A staffer walked along the line and said "everyone have your tickets?" Everyone else dug into their purses and pockets and pulled out their tickets but I just nodded. He didn't say we had to hand them over right now, what's the point? The guy kind of looked at me but then moved along.

It reminds me of when we're in ballet class and you divide the class into two groups and even though I'm in that group, I don't physically move over. And then you tell me again, as if I didn't hear, and I say "I know." I'm all about efficiency so I avoid having to do things twice (i.e. move closer to that group and then have to move to the back if the other group is going first).

So anyway, that's the 411 on my day. Someone should tell those women to keep their shoes on, though. It stunk majorly.

In the eye of the beholder

2004-07-21T20:02:00.000-07:00

[Dear Teach- I have nothing to write to you about, so I'm writing a personal essay instead.]

I was attending a two-week summer program and the ballet teacher was Laura Alonso, (daughter of a world-famous ballerina, Alicia Alonso).

Glancing across the room, Ms. Alonso spoke up. "You (me) and you (Linda) need to look up when you are dancing. If you only look straight across (eye-level), because your eyes are different, it looks like your eyes are closed."

My face grew hot. I felt humiliated. Maybe it was true, but so what? How dare she ridicule us like that in front of the class?

We could do nothing but nod. The world of ballet is not a democracy. There is no room for opinions or debate, especially not in the classroom.

I remember going back to my dorm room after class, still angry over the incident.

Over the next couple of days, I dreaded going to ballet class. Based on that comment Ms. Alonso made previously, I knew she didn't like me. So why even try?

Then one day, Ms. Alonso paused near me during barre. "That was a beautiful arabesque entournant you did [in the performance] last night".

And with that, the tension disappeared. Perhaps I am too gullible but that simple sentence made me believe that Ms. Alonso did, in fact, like me. I truly believed that her previous comment wasn't a racist attack or criticism. After all, they say teachers correct you to help you improve. And from that day on, I danced my heart out in class, successfully gaining her approval. The story of my life- continuously seeking approval.

Not missing you

2004-07-12T20:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I kind of don't want you to come back any time soon. I know the program will end on Saturday and the other program doesn't start until August so you will be back here, but I'd rather you not teach. Or show up. Or anything. I can't keep writing you letters if we actually see each other in person.

Which means I'll probably come up with someone else to write to. I'm not sure who, though. Maybe my plush dog, Clifford. We call him Cliffy for short. Except that I could just talk to him in person (he doesn't respond, though), so what would be the point of writing letters?

How's it going?

2004-07-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday. I know how you are sitting around doing nothing, just waiting for my letters. Yeah...

My tummy hurts a bit right now. It's from bingeing last night. Also because I'm starting to take the weight loss supplement again (contains lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacterium). The 1st ingredient (the acid thing) is the same kind of stuff found in yogurt, like the active enzymes?

Anyways, other than that, I am doing okay. I got water in my ear one day while showering and then a little scab formed on the inside of the ear (not close to the eardrum, though). I can't help but to pick at it, which doesn't do anything but make it worse... arg.

Fainting spell?

2004-07-09T20:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

As my dad pulled into the library parking lot, I started to feel a little... well, faint. Well, not faint, but weak. Could it be because I didn't eat anything until 1pm this afternoon? I was going to eat my peach around 10-ish this morning, but I was just so caught up in making new graphics and reorganizing my old ones that time just flew by.

I feel absolutely fine right now though (after eating dinner).

Anyways, the Olympic trials for swimming are going to be on tv in about 5 minutes, so I gotta jet.

Remember to bring flip-flops for interview

2004-07-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I said I'd write and let you know how the interview went, so here it is. Well, actually, you can read my post on the Needs Work blog. In short, it went okay- there were some things that I definitely could have done better (answer-wise), but I didn't make a complete fool of myself. And oddly, I wasn't really nervous. I thought I would be, but my pulse didn't speed up or anything.

You're probably wondering why I needed flip-flops for a job interview. It's because I was all decked out in nice clothes, with chunky shoes, but my feet start hurting after walking in them after a while. Blisters and stuff. So I brought flip-flops (hidden in my bag) to wear while on the bus. Ah, relief.

You should have seen me today- because I was wearing the chunky shoes, which have like a 2 to 3" heel, my navy pants are long and the button-down, collared shirt I was wearing (the one I said reminded me of Rocco from The Restaurant) is kind of short (if I lift my arms, you can almost see my tummy). It looked like I had long ol' legs, which would have been good if it was a ballet audition, but it wasn't so no one cared.

Anyways, I have to dash off to bed (probably read a little first). I'll talk to you tomorrow...

Question of ethics

2004-07-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I haven't been writing to you very much these days... guess there's just nothing exciting or special that I think you should know about. I feel like my life is on -pause- as I await my interview for the internship (which is this afternoon). I got the notification letter almost two weeks ago and I'm someone who hates loose ends. I don't like the uncertainty of everything (even though the extra time did let me brush up on my interviewing skills). Hopefully, I'll do fine. I'll write back later and let you know.

AA stopped by this morning (she was in the area). I happened to just slip off my chunky shoes (so I was barefoot), but luckily, the file drawer was pulled out and she didn't notice my feet. After she left, I saw a five dollar bill on the floor folded up (undoubtedly dropped by AA). What should I do? Should I just pocket it? Should I hurry after her? After pondering this for a couple of seconds (yes, I'm no angel), I decided that I'd bring it to her when I drop off mail later, near her office.

Just a couple of minutes later, AA wandered back, retracing her steps. And before she even asked, I stepped out of my cubicle and handed her the money. It's just $5, and it's not like I don't have any money, and I didn't feel right keeping it. I believe in karma and you shouldn't take what isn't yours. Even if AA should have been more careful.

Nothing important...

2004-07-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I'm kind of nervous about the interview tomorrow. Well, not nervous like sweaty palms and tummy butterflies, but I'm apprehensive. I don't do well in cold conversations, unlike you who could talk up a storm with a bookcase. Not that I think you're crazy and that you would, but you could.

I wish you were here and could tell COW to shut up. She is talking on the phone, obviously a personal call (she's speaking in her native language). Well, I guess it's better than the alternative- her asking me every 5 minutes about this or that. As if I know everything.

Speech woes

2004-07-06T15:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I just ate an apple and it feels like pieces are still lodged in my throat. I think it's because I am having difficulty chewing food (due to my teeth). It's really uncomfortable right now. Help!

4th update

2004-07-05T20:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

How was your 4th? Mine was okay, didn't do anything special but I still ate like a pig. I mean, seriously. Everything in sight.

The neighbors are playing basketball right now, even though it's past 8pm. They're kind of loud and noisy, whoopin' and hollerin' when someone makes or misses a basket. I wish they would just shut up.

Last night, my sis and I put up the tent (okay, I didn't- my mom and my sis did all the work) and camped out in our backyard. Well, actually, on the concrete in front of the garage (behind the gate). I guess we could have set it up on the grass in the backyard (where we play badminton), but we never have. I thought it might be cold out there at night, but it was mild. Even a little stuffy early this morning.

I've been bad and slacking off when it comes to ballet class. Because there's no Friday afternoon class and I have had to go to the dentist twice in 4 weeks on Saturday, I haven't been getting many classes in. But when I'm in class, I do work hard. Really.

Except today, when we were doing grand allegro and we had to do a Bournonville jete and then releve/balance in attitude croise derierre. When I landed the B jete, the bones in my ankle, well, I'd say that they almost shattered. It doesn't hurt or anything, but it was just a little scary.

People are still setting off fireworks. Can you make them stop? Please?

Speech woes

2004-07-03T22:17:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I went to the dentist today and he added stuff to my canine teeth (so they would make contact when I bite). I don't like it =\ I talk a bit funny, like I did when I wore a retainer. Well, not funny funny, but at least not as clear as when I wasn't wearing a retainer. And it isn't like I can just pop off the extensions when I want (like with the retainer).

I mean, I'm already such a quiet person. It takes me a while to think of something to say and when I do talk, I tend to talk very fast. But now I can't, because my canine teeth keep hitting each other.

*pouts* I was feeling so good this summer (despite my job woes)- I was losing weight, strengthening muscles in my arms, back and tummy... and now I have to suffer with these fangs. *pouts again*

Cranky ol' me

2004-07-02T18:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I'm kind of cranky right now. I ate too much at dinner. Not that I feel sick or that my stomach feels particularly full, but about eight hundred seventy four calories... that's too much. I know, don't be stupid (considering most diets caution less than 1200 calories a day), but it's the start of the weekend. And weekend = bad eating. You know it does.

And then people are still setting off fireworks. Loud ones, sounding like explosions. Why do they have to be dumb and stupid? And if they do get injured, guess who will probably end up paying for the medical bills? That's right, taxpayers.

What is so neat and fascinating about fireworks anyway? The professional shows, I can understand (to a degree), but even then the noise bothers me greatly. Maybe I'm just a highly sensitive person, you know, one of those people who get easily bothered by sights, smells, sounds, you name it. My mom thinks I'm weird because I complain about perfume.

Not much to write about

2004-07-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Why do people have to swear and cuss so much? Even at work? It bugs me. Now, I use expletives from time to time, but mostly when I'm alone or if I'm in public, I'll mumble it rather than broadcast. It's just so jarring to have to hear and read all the time.

Guess what I'm eating for breakfast? Lychee fruit! Well, I say "breakfast" despite the fact that it's already 11:30 and close to when most people eat lunch. But I'm not most people, now, am I?

This letter is turning out to be a bit "flat". Guess I'm not really in much of a letter writing mood today, for some reason. And I don't really have much to tell you. Maybe it's the lack of interpersonal interaction I've had today. Or something like that.

And yes, it has taken me a couple of hours to finish writing this letter (I started around 11:30 and it's already 1:42pm 2:29pm).

Just a note before bedtime

2004-07-01T21:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

They're setting off fireworks again. I guess they want to get a head start.

I worked hard in ballet class today. It was tough, though, since I had to show almost every step. And it was hot. But it's good to exercise, as you probably know.

They're driving me insane at work. Not the people setting off the fireworks (that's a different "they"). I want out as soon as possible, before everything goes into shutdown (i.e. doomsday) mode. But I can't start seriously looking for a job unless it's with a start date of September 1 or later. Because of the week-long rehearsal in August. But I can't stand it...

By the way, did you know that "i.e." does not mean "for example", like "e.g." does? I always use the former when giving examples, but it actually means "that is". Or "in other words". I still think it looks better than "e.g.", though.

I think I'll get offline now and go read. Checked out four books at the library today. Should be fun.

Dreams

2004-07-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Had a couple of dreams last night. Read about them here (it's my new Dream Journal). I don't know if it's because dreams in the previous two nights involved relatives (and so I've been thinking about my relatives) or if it's a recurring theme, but this is the 3rd night in a row that I've dreamt about a relative. And each has been representative of one of my mom's siblings.

It's so gray and gloomy here, doesn't feel a bit like summer. Well, I don't mind the cloudy skies, since I spend most of my day indoors anyway. Away from any source of natural light whatsoever.

I've run out of things to write to you about. It's pretty sad. Perhaps if you wrote back, I could respond to your comments, but that's not happening. I guess it would help if I actually sent the letters to you rather than just send via telepathic waves.

Dear Mom

2004-06-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

I know this is the Dear Teach blog and not Dear Fill-in-the-blank-with-whoever-you-want blog. But I need some guidance, and I don't think Teach can help me here (shhh, don't tell him I said that).

What should I do about the AA and COW situation? (See Needs Work if you haven't heard, which would be impossible since I tell you all this stuff face-to-face anyway). Just say the word and the kid gloves come off. I'd say something like "AA, what's the rush? It's not like I'm going to be flying a spacecraft ALL BY MYSELF come January 1, 2005. I'm just going to be assisting you and the other accounting lady in accounting stuff, which I already do. All you need to do is point me in the right direction and I'll figure it out. I don't need someone to spoon-feed me. I've been able to feed myself since I was two (although I did make a mess out of my food)."

Sometimes I wish I hadn't stayed at the university after I graduated. Then I could get an entry-level (low-paying) job somewhere and move up the ranks. Which I did, here, but now the rungs of the ladder are started to fall off. Not even fall off, but more like POP! off. And if I leave now, I'd have to start at the bottom elsewhere, which means making less money. And even though I usually don't care about money, it's nice to have. Money, that is.

Maybe that's why I've been having those scary dreams about our dysfunctional relatives. Did you know in another dream I had last night, I told you about the weird dream I had the previous night (about the relative in jail) and you told me that you had the exact same dream? It was scary.

I wish I could talk to someone here at work about it, but there's no one. The only person I usually discuss these things with is COW and I can't because she's involved. That's why I'm resolved to writing letters to you and Teach, which you two won't really read anyways, but at least I get my thoughts out there. In cyberspace, I mean.

Bad Dream Part II

2004-06-30T08:54:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Another wacky and wild dream last night- My uncle (Mom's oldest brother) was near my cubicle, picking up some document from a professor (my uncle's an engineer or architect or something). He wanted my mom to have his contact info so I told him to write it down and I would pass it along to my mother. He handed me a couple of pieces of paper and then asked where the restroom was because he wasn't feeling well. I directed him to go out into the hallway and then follow the corridor.

As soon as he walked away, I dashed into my cubicle, grabbed my cellphone and ran out of the building. I paused on the bridge connecting to the next building, wondering if I should call my mom from there but then remembering my dream the night before (where the psycho relative tried to toss us off the balcony), I kept running until I reached outside.

I tried calling my mom but she wasn't answering the phone so I started to call my dad. And then my dad appeared, talking on a cellphone. I asked him if he was talking to my uncle, but he said no, he was talking to someone's aunt. And then my uncle appeared and he tried to talk to me, persuading me into believing he wasn't evil. He said "I know you're a lawyer..." which I retorted "no, I'm not." And then he said "You studied law..." and I responded "no, I didn't".

It was a weird dream. I do believe all my mother's brothers (3 uncles) are evil, because, well, they are. They're greedy, useless and mean. And any dream with any of them in it is scary enough. Hmmm, the 2nd uncle's youngest son is a bit of a troublemaker (um, he was in jail for a while). Maybe that's what the dream the previous night was about.

Just a thought

2004-06-29T18:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I write to you an awful lot, huh? Approximately twice a day. Think how much money I'd be spending if I was actually mailing you letters! This way is much better.

Hmmm, what am I going to do when you get to Los Angeles? I guess I'll have to find someone else to write to... who could that be? Maybe MidwestBoy, although he's kind of "out there" sometimes.

Anyway, I'm off- got to go eat some lychees (have you ever had any?) and maybe watch some Jeopardy. Yeah, I'm boring like that =)

Bad Dream Part I

2004-06-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

I had the weirdest dream last night. We (my sis and parents) were visiting some relative of ours, who was in jail for doing something really bad (murder, maybe). That would be a cool title for a mystery book. But anyways. . . My mom had cooked some food and my dad had put together a book for the guy, whoever he was.

They let us all go into his jail cell which was big and spacious- not your typical cell at all. At first, the guy was sort of incommunicado, but then after seeing the food and stuff, he warmed up to us. Then, when we were about to leave, he started to give us a group hug but we (sensing danger?) tried to pull away. He moved us all out to the balcony and tried to make us all jump with him, to our collective deaths. We yelled and screamed and people came to save us..

A weird dream indeed.

Can't say no

2004-06-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Okay, so you're not my spiritual guidance. Kind of more like Felicity's friend on Felicity, where Felicity (how many times do I have to type that name?), instead of writing a letter, records her thoughts onto tapes and mails them to her friend. (Does that sentence even make sense?)

Anyway, you once said that I say the opposite of everything you say. Which is so not true. Most of the time, anyway. And my mom says I say "no" to everything. Which is true only when it pertains to my mom. When it comes to other people, I can't say no. I just can't. There must be something wrong with my brain.

I even once subscribed to the Long Beach Press Telegram just because someone came to our front door advertising. And get this- we already had a subscription to the PT! That's how much trouble I have turning people down.

I need help.

Missing you

2004-06-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

My eyes have been really irritated and sensitive lately. It might be allergies, because I don't think I'm catching a cold. Or maybe it's because of smog and air pollution.

How are things in 'bama? Hot and muggy? It's kind of cold and gray today in L.A. Sprinkled a bit this morning. Not that I mind the grayness (since it matches my mood) but I would appreciate it if the temp was a little warmer.

I miss you, even though it's only been one week. You're like my spiritual guidance, even though you haven't really even done anything. I guess just knowing that you'll be back keeps me on my toes.

Actually, it's more of the myth of you, rather than actually you, that I miss. Because when you are around, you tend to disappoint me...

All-you-can-eat

2004-06-26T17:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Why do people even go to all-you-can-eat buffett places? Are we just insane?

Let me just recap my day. We drove out east, towards Puente Hills and Covina. We stopped by an Asian supermarket and some clothing stores (Marshall's and Burlington Coat Factory). I was feeling postively weak. Don't know if it's because of all that walking around (inside the store). And then when we decided to head to the restaurant, Azusa seemed eons away and I was sweating like a pig by the time we got there.

We had gone to this buffett place once before, maybe a year ago. But when we walked in, I wasn't much hungry anymore. And the food, well, didn't seem very tasty or yummy. It was just food. And now I feel disgutingly full.

While everyone else is off at ballet summer camp, I'm sitting here at home eating myself sick. And I'm not even going to ballet that often, probably will just average 2 classes a week. *sigh* Well, I guess it's for the better. I'm feeling a little weak sometimes and don't feel like doing killer adagios.

For my b-day (in Sept), I'm going to request not to go out. Maybe burgers or pizza or something. Nothing that's going to make me sick.

Hair woes

2004-06-26T08:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Okay, apparently I didn't get the memo. We're going out to eat for lunch, not dinner. Well, I guess it works out okay.

It's a good thing I didn't eat too much yesterday, then. Or else there'd be no room in my tummy.

Oh, and that means I'm not going to ballet. Which means that I didn't have to braid my hair in hopes that it would make putting my hair up in a bun easier. I didn't mention this earlier, but I got my hair cut to just above my shoulders. Putting it up for class isn't that easy. Either regular ballet buns or french twists.

Anyways, I have to go brush my teeth and wash my face. And try to do something with my hair because now it's frizzy and yucky.

Day's recap

2004-06-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Hey, just finished dinner. Well, about 10 minutes ago. What are you up to?

Let's see, what did I have for dinner? We had some oyster-flavored rice vermicelli and bean sprouts. My family loves it but I could pass. And some white corn, although it wasn't as sweet and yummy as yesterday's. And some leftover boiled cucumbers. Seems that no one else in my family eats the cucumbers. So why keep buying them?

I enjoyed my ballet-free day today. Well, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are ballet-free as well, but I have to work later on those days. I went to the library, browsed the shelves for about 15 minutes and came home with one book. Yes, that's ONE.

It's this weird thing where my books have to be new or near-new. Old books, yeech. I won't even touch those. And considering how budget-strapped the state and county are, well, you can imagine how many new books the libraries are sporting these days.

But anyways, I am really sleepy. I keep falling asleep on the bus or in the car, but when I try to sleep in my nice comfy bed, I can't. It's driving me insane.

Dear Teach

2004-06-25T13:47:00.000-07:00

What's your preference- pre-stirred or fruit on the bottom yogurt? I think I like the latter because it tastes less processed. And it's lower in calories.

The outfit I am wearing today doesn't really match. I'm wearing a red + blue jersey top (like the baseball kinds? Not the ones the players actually wear but the other kind) and red canvas sneakers to match. Cute enough. But then I'm wearing a black skirt, and because I couldn't find my plain black one, I had to wear a different (more fancy) skirt. It has ruffles and embroidered flowers and sparklies. Top and shoes say casual, skirt says dressy. Not that I care much for fashion, though.

But you would like the skirt, if you could see it. You'd say "I like your skirt, CC." Well, at least I think you would. Heck, what do I know about what you would or would not say. Besides, you're a guy, you're not supposed to compliment girls on shoes, hair, clothes. Or at least, not in a way that sounds like you're admiring them. . . like a fellow girl would do.

Anyways, I guess this is where I wish you a happy birthday. (Ignore the fact that I don't know whether your b-day is today or tomorrow).

Oh, and before I forget, thought I'd give you a heads-up. I'm going to an all-you-can-eat place tomorrow. Not by myself, of course, but with my family for my sis's birthday. Yes, you and her (she?) may have the same b-day. Not born the same year, luckily.

I'm not getting my sis a b-day present. Is that bad? Well, we've never been big on gifts and I got her two baseball caps a couple of months ago (Dodgers and Angels). And I specifically said then that that would be her b-day present. So I'm in the clear, right?

I just paid off my latest credit card statement online. The confirmation # is 3FABB8128F72. Not that this concerns you, but I needed to jot down the conf # somewhere and this seemed like a good place.

You don't happen to know of any job openings, do you? Not in ballet, although if you knew of an administrative position in the ballet field, that would be good. Sometimes I wish that I lived in, say, NYC where the big ballet companies are. They must hire people right? Aside from dancers? But then I'm not a big fan of those pro companies, so I probably wouldn't like it. Much too sophisticated for me.

I'm eating some strawberry kiwi yogurt (the fruit on the bottom kind). It's yummy. And yeah, I know it's almost 2 o'clock and I'm just eating lunch now. Well, I ate my breakfast (an apple) at 11am, so cut me some slack. Or not, I don't care.

Working hard in ballet class

2004-06-24T20:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

Just a quick note before I go off to bed. Well, I'll probably lift some dumbbells first (got to work on those flabby arms, after all).

(Do you want to know something sad? It took me 4 tries before getting the word "first" correctly. fist, frist, firts and finally first)

I worked hard in ballet class today, just like you told me to. I tried to pay attention to stretching my fingers/hands like you said, but I forgot. So sue me. Okay, don't because I don't have any money. Or at least, any money that I would want to pay you if you did in fact sue me. Never mind.

My achilles tendon (right foot) is kind of bugging me. I think I've been trying to pointe too much. I know, it could only happen to me.

I don't know. Anyway, it's time for me to go to sleep. Shoot, it's already 9. Well, more like 8:53, but by the time I actually climb into bed, it'll be past 9. *yawn*

Just a ramble

2004-06-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Teach,

By the time you read this, possibly in late August 2004 (or never, since I probably will never send this to you), I will be at least ten pounds lighter. Well, I say at least, but anything around that range would be good.

It's actually wishful thinking. I'm only a few days into this minimalist eating pattern and given how easily I could fall off the wagon, well, I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up.

I'm also trying to amp up my strength training. Not like bulking up, but doing more ab work and back-strengthening exercises. So it's not all about weight loss.

How do you deal with betrayal? Well, anybody would have to be crazy to backstab you... everyone loves you. It's like that Josh Kelley song, which I can't remember the title for. Something about "everybody loves you, everybody needs you..." Anyway, maybe it's just me being paranoid. But I just can't help it. Or, at least, I haven't figured out a way to deal with it.

I seem to use the word "well" an awful lot. And "anyway(s)", but I already knew that.

You remind me of Melissa Y. sometimes. In that neither of you ever displayed any dislike in another person. From all appearances, you like everyone. Except for Laura Alonzo, whom you described as pompous. (She was, a little, but she also thought I was a good dancer so one cancelled out the other). I couldn't be like that- I have very strong polar opinions about people. Either I flat-out like them or I don't. Simple as that.

I've noticed that I end most (well, many) emails with "Thanks, CC". Even if I am the one doing the favor for the other person and they should be thanking me. Not the other way around. Not that it really matters or anything, it's not like I'm sitting here in life counting my thank-yous (or whatever the plural form of "thank you" is).

My eyes are really tired right now. I don't know if it's due to lack of sleep (insomnia without cause, except that I seem to have to use the restroom a lot at night) or if it's because I've been staring at my computer screen all day long. Or maybe it's allergies. I haven't taken the allergy pills (which my sister dubs "happy pills" but they don't really make me happy- they make me allergy-symptom free, but since they are diphenhydramine, they make me sleepy).

I'm a little cranky right now. I need to use the restroom but my mom might call. She's doing some temp work for a school in Lawndale and I've been helping her with some computer stuff. I don't consider myself a computer person, but I do know more than a lot of people. Some people are so clueless.

Do you think Kroger's lowfat yogurt tastes like aspartame? I had some peach-flavored kind for lunch and it reminded me of lemon-chiffon aspartame-spiked non-fat yogurt I had once. Well, actually twice, because my mom had bought two. I don't understand how you can leave yogurt sitting outside in room temperature for hours and then ingest it like a drink. I, myself, would put it in the fridge. It's best when slightly firm. Don't you think?

My hips are kind of sore right now. For no apparent reason, other than the fact that I have to sit for almost 8 hours a day. Well, more than that, since I have to sit on the bus and at work. And then AD gives us those killer adages and stretches where we have to stand there with our leg extended for what seems to be forever. Could you wear down the synovial fluid in your hips just by doing that? Or maybe I'm gripping my hip flexors?

Which brings me to my next point- I split a stitch the skirt I was wearing yesterday. It's a long, denim skirt that I bought at Target. There's a slit in the back but they (whoever designed it) tacked the two panels at the hem. So it made a keyhole-shape... sort of. And because I had just done a bunch of tummy crunches, my hip flexors were feeling a little sore. So I was trying to do a grand-plie in 2nd and then POP! Luckily it was just a single tack, not like a whole seam or anything. That would have been embarrassing, save for the fact that I was at home, in my room, and it's not like anyone else was around. But things like that can only happen to me.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I can't imagine actually letting you (or anyone) read this. Well, some of the stories above, I've told other people, but just the fact that I'd write you a long-ol' letter like this. Well, not write, but email. I can't write anything longhand anymore. Hurts my hand after a while.

--P.S. The song is called "Everybody Wants You" on the For the Ride Home album.