Seeking job

Dear Teach-

I messed up AGAIN. Fried chicken, cookies, ice cream, ugh. Need some help fast. Maybe an intervention?

There's so much junk going on at my mom's workplace, it's unbelievable. Now I know that it's all hearsay (i.e. I haven't experienced it firsthand), but there's no reason for her to lie about it. It's possible she misinterprets certain comments or situations, but overall, if she feels bad because of the environment, that's not a good thing. And you know the oldies there will do whatever it takes to maintain the status quo.

Just to give you a warning- I plan on taking pas class tomorrow... I know, WHAT?! Stop the presses! I figure that this will be one of the sticking points as to why I don't get a lead role. True as it may be, I think we both know better than that. But fine, whatever. So don't make a big deal 'bout it, 'k? (Actually, if you don't, I'll kind of be TO'd).

I wish I could have waited until I lost weight (got skinnier) before requesting a conference, but that would have been at least 12 weeks away, if at all.

Gawd, I really need to find a new job. Sure, my current one is a bit cushy, but I can't freakin' stand how people expect reimbursements for everything. Hey, if you weren't traveling, you'd still be eating. So why the heck should we be paying $50 for you to have breakfast? Ever heard of a diet? That's my tax money you're wasting. Meanwhile the stupid powers that be at certain County offices hoard their office supplies like its gold or something. Not that I support those offices (if you can't afford to have kids, guess what? Don't.), but this is ridiculous.

And tuition for students increases every year, practically exponentially. All the while, the brains get more and more money. Terrific.

Sorry to gripe, Teach, it's not your fault. Although I imagine you rack up quite a bill when you're on business travel. I'm just tired of all this stuff. You should start a pro company, it would be super. I could work for you... oh, wait, I promised Ducky that I'd work for him, when he starts his own company. I get to pick which job I want... a bunch of us are going to go work for him but that won't be for a while (this will be after he's done dancing). Hmmm, do you need an assistant? Someone to manage your engagements and make travel arrangements for you? I would be great at that. Like a personal assistant or something. I could remind you of your appointments and make sure you get there on time. Remember, punctuality...

Stress-related eating

Dear Teach-

Things stress me out too much. And I let them. I just ate a donut. Felt that it was compensation for sitting there, listening to a training class that was absolutely pointless. For me, at least, since I already knew 95% of the material. The presentation was just horrendous. Though your public speaking skills aren't great either.

And then last night, after eating two drumsticks (fried), I ate a whole bunch of Nutter Butter bites. Not exactly healthy.

I just bid on a pair of Freed Studio pointe shoes on eBay. Slight problem- they're the original Studios, not the Studio IIs that would work on my feet. Stupid eBay, why won't they let people retrack their bids?

It's someone's birthday today, and I don't mean Myrtle- it's someone at work. And they're having strawberry cheesecake. I LOVE cheesecake. But I can't have any. If I hadn't eaten that donut, well, then maybe. Arg, it's too late for that. I'll be okay, though. I have a fuji apple and an orange to eat.

I am so sleepy. Sleepy girl, as you say. Can I go home yet?

Getting attention

Dear Teach-

Oh my gawd, so you do notice me in class?! All this time I thought I was invisible.

Well, okay, I'm giving you a hard time. Sorry 'bout that- I know, I have to make myself noticeable, not hide in the woodwork. That's one of my big projects... except in AD's class. I'll still hide in the back for that. Which probably won't help me with my attempt to get a lead role, but she just so darn intimidates me. I've known her longer than I've known you (well, not that much longer) but at least I can talk to you about stuff. Well, some stuff, not everything.

It's weird, writing to you, since you're still here (i.e. not gone for the summer yet). But it's cool, because since Washington, we've really bonded. Like soul mates, right? Uh, yeah, no.

I shouldn't be so optimistic- class will probably stink on Friday and thereafter. That always happens.

Picnic Time

Dear Teach-

We went to the staff picnic today. Each person got a paper bag with the following:
rotisserie chicken (2 pieces), diced potatoes, salad, dessert (two squares of lemon cake, apple turnover, etc), bag of chips (Lay's, Ruffles or Fritos) [vegetarian bags had pasta (tortellini) salad].

Drinks were separate (I just got water) and then there was the ice cream- Nestle Crunch bars, ice cream sandwiches, Dole fruit bars, fudge bars, creamsicles... some people dove right in to the ice cream before eating their lunch (which means there were no Crunch bars by the time I was done with the salad and potatoes- I had to eat an ice cream sandwich instead). Someone should tell Catering that they should be more culturally-sensitive. Asians don't eat raw veggies so having salads is not a great idea. They should have had potato salad or something, but I guess then the mayo or dressing would have gone bad.

When AA saw me (you remember AA right?), she exclaimed- "you got CC to come!" Oh pul-eeze, like people have to drag me places? Correction- if AA is there, you have to drag me along. But otherwise, free food is free food, I'll be there. Unless I have to sit there and listen to people ramble.

They played some music and then (when people were done eating) some people started doing the Electric Slide. AA tried to get me and COW (my coworker) to dance but we were like "uh, no, we're going to go back now." I can only stand so much of AA, so if/when I go work for the dept, it'll be a blast. I can hardly wait.

One of the personnel ladies, the one that asked me if I had an eating disorder because I cut up my donut into small pieces and another time told me I was going to get fat because I was eating a donut- I think she has an eating problem. I've been in staff meetings with her where she'll get two donuts plus one to bring back to her office. Or like today- she got a vegetarian bag, ate the chips out of that, went to get a regular bag, ate the chicken and salad from that, ate some of the pasta (from veg bag), ate a Crunch bar and then went back to get a 3rd bag. Hello?! She's pretty skinny, though.

Anyway, I should have gotten another bag (I saw one lady with 3 bags and several people with 2 bags each), but the staffers were kind of stingy and wouldn't let us get another bag (maybe they thought more people were coming). I almost said "well, other people got a second bag" but I figured it wasn't worth the fight. And even though it was supposed to be for staff only (only 1 ticket per person), I saw some tweeners (maybe 12 yrs old) and one lady brought her son. So much for "ticket required".

Which brings me to my last point, one of my quirks. We were standing in line and some people had their yellow tickets in their hand. A staffer walked along the line and said "everyone have your tickets?" Everyone else dug into their purses and pockets and pulled out their tickets but I just nodded. He didn't say we had to hand them over right now, what's the point? The guy kind of looked at me but then moved along.

It reminds me of when we're in ballet class and you divide the class into two groups and even though I'm in that group, I don't physically move over. And then you tell me again, as if I didn't hear, and I say "I know." I'm all about efficiency so I avoid having to do things twice (i.e. move closer to that group and then have to move to the back if the other group is going first).

So anyway, that's the 411 on my day. Someone should tell those women to keep their shoes on, though. It stunk majorly.

In the eye of the beholder

[Dear Teach- I have nothing to write to you about, so I'm writing a personal essay instead.]

I was attending a two-week summer program and the ballet teacher was Laura Alonso, (daughter of a world-famous ballerina, Alicia Alonso).

Glancing across the room, Ms. Alonso spoke up. "You (me) and you (Linda) need to look up when you are dancing. If you only look straight across (eye-level), because your eyes are different, it looks like your eyes are closed."

My face grew hot. I felt humiliated. Maybe it was true, but so what? How dare she ridicule us like that in front of the class?

We could do nothing but nod. The world of ballet is not a democracy. There is no room for opinions or debate, especially not in the classroom.

I remember going back to my dorm room after class, still angry over the incident.

Over the next couple of days, I dreaded going to ballet class. Based on that comment Ms. Alonso made previously, I knew she didn't like me. So why even try?

Then one day, Ms. Alonso paused near me during barre. "That was a beautiful arabesque entournant you did [in the performance] last night".

And with that, the tension disappeared. Perhaps I am too gullible but that simple sentence made me believe that Ms. Alonso did, in fact, like me. I truly believed that her previous comment wasn't a racist attack or criticism. After all, they say teachers correct you to help you improve. And from that day on, I danced my heart out in class, successfully gaining her approval. The story of my life- continuously seeking approval.

Not missing you

Dear Teach,

I kind of don't want you to come back any time soon. I know the program will end on Saturday and the other program doesn't start until August so you will be back here, but I'd rather you not teach. Or show up. Or anything. I can't keep writing you letters if we actually see each other in person.

Which means I'll probably come up with someone else to write to. I'm not sure who, though. Maybe my plush dog, Clifford. We call him Cliffy for short. Except that I could just talk to him in person (he doesn't respond, though), so what would be the point of writing letters?

How's it going?

Dear Teach,

Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday. I know how you are sitting around doing nothing, just waiting for my letters. Yeah...

My tummy hurts a bit right now. It's from bingeing last night. Also because I'm starting to take the weight loss supplement again (contains lactobacillus acidophilus and bifidobacterium). The 1st ingredient (the acid thing) is the same kind of stuff found in yogurt, like the active enzymes?

Anyways, other than that, I am doing okay. I got water in my ear one day while showering and then a little scab formed on the inside of the ear (not close to the eardrum, though). I can't help but to pick at it, which doesn't do anything but make it worse... arg.